Sorry Excuses for Not Wearing Seatbelts.

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Over the years police officers hear a lot of stupid excuses for things, but few compare to the answers I hear when I stop people for not wearing their seatbelts, or wearing them incorrectly. Below are just a few.

1) “Oh! I have to put that part over my shoulder?”
Gee! Now that you mention it why don’t I just wrap that part around my neck, or put that lap thingy in between my legs? Hey, maybe if I put in around the gearshift, it’ll prevent the car from accidentally going in reverse! Can you believe that they actually had to make wearing seatbelts the way they are designed to be worn a part of the seatbelt law?

2) “It hurts my neck.”
Well, I’m pretty sure that steering wheel or windshield’s not gonna feel like a massage? You see that little button on the door frame, where the seatbelt is coming from? Use that bad boy to lower the belt to your height, or grab a booster seat so you can get it positioned just right Goldielocks. Still rubbing your neck the wrong way? Well, go grab yourself a Seat Pet, and you’ll be so comfy that you’ll befightin’ the Sandman while you fight traffic!

3) “Whoops! I forgot!”
Ever forget to close the door? Maybe drive off without your pants? How about sitting there stomping on the gas and turning the wheel trying to figure out why the car won’t move when you haven’t and put the keys in it yet? How distracted do you have to be to forget the part of getting in the car that might save your life, when that teenager trying to beat the light T-bones you?

4) “I thought only the driver had to wear those!”
Silly me! I keep forgetting how the laws of physics don’t apply to passengers! Good thing too! Otherwise the lifeless sack of potatoes you once called a body might kill your friends, as it freely bounces around inside the car!

5) “I don’t want to get trapped.”
Hey Action Hero, when’s the last time you heard of somebody burning to death or drowning after a car crash? Who was that? Crispy Carl and Soggy Sally, those friends of your buddy’s college roommate back in 1953? Oh, and don’t forget Soarin’ Saul, the lone survivor who was safely flung from the car and stuck the landing, all thanks to his refusal to wear a seatbelt! If your crash is so bad that your car bursts into flames or plunges into the murky depths, you may be due for a closed casket service, but any seatbelt malfunctions will be irrelevant, because you’ll be DRT (Dead Right There)!

On the other hand, if you ain’t strapped in, you can pretty much go all in on the bet that you’ll die in a car crash, because you’ll get a first-hand experience of being a pinball, as you bounce off the steering wheel, the dashboard, the windshield, the door frame, and any other occupants in your car! But WAIT! There’s MORE! Should you get thrown clear of the wreck like you’re hoping, you’ll also get to hit trees, street signs, bridge supports, other cars, and of course the good ol’ pavement! What kinda ninny can’t handle a face plant on the pavement at 40 MPH?

What sorry excuses have you heard (or used) for not wearing seatbelts? What are your thoughts on seatbelt laws? Are we saving good people from stupid mistakes, or are we preventing a much needed thinning of the herd?

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